It’s something she’s thought about before, but it’s only now that it’s hitting her fully. All of the CiRCLE
bands were so close with one another, but RAS just doesn’t have that sort of thing.
…Why didn’t they have that?
A study of CHU2 & her distinct way of viewing the world.
Chu2 is sitting on the couch, quietly observing Pareo as she rambles on and on about Pastel*Palettes. She’s not particularly invested in the idol band, and she’s ninety percent sure Pareo is aware of this fact. But she listens to the keyboardist’s musings anyway, though she can never put her finger on why.
...Maybe she just likes hearing Pareo’s voice.
She would never dare to say that out loud, of course, but she thinks it to herself as she watches the varied movements Pareo makes with her hands as she speaks. Her speech is fast-paced and clearly filled with an excitement to be sharing her beloved interest with the tiny producer.
Chu2 wonders why Pareo trusts her so much.
Has RAS had that much of an impact on her?
Has RAS had that much of an impact on the five of them as a whole?
Anyway.
“…And they just released their new album, I bought it as soon as it came out, of course, but oh Chu2-sama, it’s so so amazing!” Pareo exclaims.. “It’s so hard to pick a favorite song, they’re all so perfect and fit them so well as a band…” Her ramble is beginning to fall into nonsense, but Chu2 listens on anyway.
Originally, Chu2 would tell herself that she was only listening to Pareo’s Pasupare rambles for research purposes. Inspiration for RAS, advice for dealing with the enemy, that was all. But now… Chu2 isn’t so sure about all of that.
...Pareo talks about Pasupare’s dynamic a lot.
Whenever the keyboardist raves on about how close the idol band is,Chu2 feels off.
At first, Chu2 believed it was all so stupid. A great band is formed by talent and hard work, not love and friendship and all sorts of other temporary things, she would think. But now, after everything RAS has been through together… Chu2 doesn’t know what to believe.
It’s here Chu2 realizes that she doesn’t understand her bandmates at all.
It’s something she’s thought about before, but it’s only now that it’s hitting her fully. All of the CiRCLE bands were so close with one another, but RAS just doesn’t have that sort of thing.
…Why didn’t they have that? Chu2 thought she was doing everything to make the perfect band, yet she’s failed to realize how unstable the foundation of everything was.
How absolutely stupid. Chu2 sinks back into the couch.
“…And a lot of people say all their music sounds the same, but I feel like that’s the appeal, yknow? Oh! Chu2-sama, are you alright?”
Chu2 glances up. Pareo’s looking right at her, with folded hands and eyes clouded with worry.
“…Fine. I’m fine.” Chu2 says curtly. “Anyway, the appeal of Pasupare’s music?”
Pareo looks at her for a few more seconds before continuing her rant.
…Perhaps there was something to learn from the other bands after all.
Chu2 likes to observe things.
Her bandmates, the other bands, at CiRCLE or otherwise, random people walking around outside her penthouse…
It’s better to observe than actually interact with them herself, she thinks. She’s never been the best with words, something she’s been thinking about even more since that day, so she prefers to just… Not deal with it. Besides, picking up on the patterns of others was beneficial to… something, probably.
And lately, she’s been very observant of the other bands. Not in the way she used to, but through an entirely different lense.
She wants to know how they all got so close with one another. She wants to understand what she's doing wrong with RAS.
It’s somewhat amusing to think about. Back when RAS was first starting, Chu2 really only saw her bandmates as pawns, as bad as that may sound. They were just tools to her, weapons in the war against Roselia.
She now acknowledges how flawed that line of thinking is, of course. But, she feels as though the damage has already been done there.
They may share the same stage as RAS, but it’s so, so difficult to see them as friends outside of that. And no matter how many times she tries, no matter how many stupid bonding activities they do, she always feels so distant from her bandmates.
Does Minato Yukina ever feel this way? Probably not, Roselia has practically everything going for them, so they probably don’t experience the same, dumb problems Chu2’s having with RAS.
It was so aggravating to think about. RAS has practically everything going for them, except for anything resembling a close friendship. Sure, Layer, Masking, and Lock seem to get along just fine, and Pareo’s practically attached to Chu2 at the hip, but as a group? They’re just a group of fragmented musicians brought together by some messed up kid.
So, Chu2 just observes them from afar. She watches the way Pareo excitedly brings new Pasupare news to Masking before practice, the way Layer’s eyes light up whenever she gets a text from Hanazono Tae, the way Lock always apologizes for being late to practice, even if she’s ten minutes early. They’re all… interesting to say the least, and she’s glad to have them in RAS to say the most. She just wishes she could be a better producer for them. Be a better friend for them.
RAS has been hanging out a lot more lately.
They’ve been going out to eat after practice, meeting up to do things on weekends, small things like that. The type of things she’s the other bands do, the ones she used to scoff at and push away as unimportant wastes of time.
It’s nice to hang out with them all, but that distant feeling still looms over Chu2 like a cloud on a rainy day. They’re less awkward around eahcother than they used to be, but it doesn’t feel as comfortable as what the CiRCLE bands have.
...Well, it’s better than what they had when the band first started, at the very least.
She’s been trying to be nicer to them. It’s difficult sometimes, especially when she gets overwhelmed or if practice isn’t running smoothly, but she’s getting better.
That doesn’t help with the spur of the moment stuff, though.
She thinks about the other day, when the five of them were out getting ramen. They had been talking about whatever, moving from topic to topic fluently, like any normal group of friends would.
Masking made some joke about Chu2’s unwillingness to eat the vegetables in her ramen.
Chu2 told her to shut up.
All four of them looked at her funny after that. The silence between them spoke volumes above the bustle of the semi-busy ramen place.
“What?” Chu2 had said, frowning. “…Sorry.”
Masking exchanged a glance with Layer before looking back at Chu2.
“You’re good.” The drummer responded, “Just think about what you’re saying before ya say it, alright?”
“…Right.”
The rest of their outing went smoothly from there, but there was a clear air of uneasiness hanging in the air from then on. Chu2 cringes just looking back at it. Misunderstandings like that are just so annoying and pointless.
She had thought they were just joking around. Why does everyone always have to assume the worst of her? It’s not fair. She’s just trying her best, really and truly.
It’s here that it fully hits her that their lack of closeness was all her fault.
The idea had trickled into her head before, in subtle hints of self-hatred that itched against her skin after every awkward encounter, but here she tackles it head on, and it feels so isolating and strange and she feels like a total failure to everyone around her despite how much she’s accomplished. She hates her past self for not realizing how much of a problem this whole thing was, and she absolutely despises her current self for not knowing how to fix it.
Chu2 wipes a tear off her cheek. Just how pathetic was she?
She slides back against her pillow. She doesn’t want to answer that question right now.
“You’re being very quiet today, Chu2-sama. Are you pondering about a new song?”
“No! I mean, no, not today. Sun’s too bright to get anything done.”
“Oh, well, is something wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”
Chu2 flashes Pareo a look, her eyes drooping at the keyboardist.
“It’s whatever. You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“How do you know?”
Chu2 simply shrugs in response.
“That’s not a good reason at all! C’mon, just tell me about it! I promise you’ll feel better.”
Pareo’s looking right at her, with kind and welcoming eyes. Chu2 doesn’t know what she would do without her. The small producer lets out a sigh.
“Where do I even start?”